Monday, January 13, 2014

The Big Scary Goals

Being as how I have a chronic illness and never know from day to day how much energy I might have, you would think I would be a bit in my expectations.  But well, you know me! There is a wonderful article that I am hoping to repost onto the blog in the next week or so (I've requested permission, just waiting on the the "yes.") In the meantime...

On the days I am stuck in bed, I am dreaming and coming up with bigger and better plans.  I mentally do the jobs so many times that when it comes time to actually do it, it does seem like, "Shouldn't this already be done!?"  Or spending time on Pinterest coming up with things I hadn't actually thought up myself to add to the list.  SIGH.

(First a side note, one of my weaknesses (strengths?) is that I tend to be fairly transparent.  If I am thinking something, I share it.  If things are going well, I share.  If things are NOT going well, I share that. I get frustrated that it seems like "everyone else" has "it" together because I only hear about the "highlights" of life, whereas I tend to "tell" on myself and the stupid things I do.  The bad stuff.  Always asking for prayer because I truly believe that prayer does change things.  Knowing that, this has been a very difficult post to write and I've been working on it for about 6 hours now...I'm giving up some of my biggest insecurities for the whole blog world to know -- much to my husband's chagrin)

I've been asked to share some of my "other" lists. I will post the scrapbooking list over on that blog.  It's in the sidebar ===>

Other plans for completing the 101 list.  And there are some crazy scary ones on there that I am still wondering "what were you thinking?" when I put them on there.  So I'm going to share them, and the WHY I thought I should...

The first one that scares me the most is the Allume Conference.  I read about it when it was still the Relevant Conference.  I can't imagine being invited, and now I don't think it's an invite thing...It's for Christian Bloggers to connect. I love the idea of conference and being a part of "something bigger" and if you know me, IRL, you would never believe that I am an introvert, but I am.  Blogging is something I can do...talking to and with strangers is difficult for me.  I have a hard time getting myself to go to our local "Mom's Night Out." and I know a lot of those ladies.  The idea of going somewhere where I don't know anyone, in a state I've never been to, with ladies who are succeeding at what I would LIKE to do....intimidating.

I had visions of grandeur for this blog...I fall WAY far south of the mark.  But I want to be doing this not for my vanity but to uplift and/or enlighten someone.  And let me totally honest here...I don't want fame or whatever, but I want to make a difference.  I know we are not supposed to compare ourselves to others, but be the best we can be....BUT there are my blogging "heroes" that I always seem to come away from reading their blogs challenged, chastened, uplifted, brought to tears, joyful...and those are the blogs that most of my friends read, share on Facebook, tweet, etc.  I DO want to be "shared", FB'd, tweeted, but I don't want to be "shared" for my glory, but for the glory of my God!  And I am somehow missing it.  I'm praying that somehow my mottled thoughts and silly goals are doing something for Him, and something for someone here.  That the net result of my blogging will someday to hear "Good work, good and faithful servant." (But right now, not thinking that is working...) Being invited to the Conference was my marker that I was "making it".  So...that is in October...Registration in March.

The second scary one is the Couch-to-5K Challenge and the Race to Save Face in July.  The spirit is willing...but the flesh is....weak, flabby, sickly, A HOT MESS!  The Race to Save Face is one of the first fundraisers I have ever heard of that is for Trigeminal Neuralgia Research.  It's right here in my state,  only about 2 hours away.  I make all kind of excuses about how busy I am in the summer....blah..blah...but I don't HAVE to run it.  I can walk it.  I'm putting it out there, this year I.Am.Going.To.Do.This.  Wanna do it with me?  The "training phase" basically starts late May and the "race" is July 14th.  They have goodie bags, and there is a dinner afterwards.  I'd love to actually have a team to go up with....and accountability partners.

I think this is important not only for the vanity reasons of getting in better shape, looking better, being able to say I've done it, but mostly because Trigeminal Neuralgia is considered a rare disease.  There are doctors out there that have only read about it in a text book long ago.  I have lost people in my support group to this disease this year.  I know that one of the problems with getting it young, is that there currently is no cure, so you have longer to live with it and it is a progressive disease.  The medications available are very strong and over time, your body gets used to it and you have to up dosages or add different stronger medications.  And the more you take, the more likely it will be that there will be a lethal cocktail.  I want to do SOMETHING to help find the cure.  I've read that they may be able to come up with one within 10 years.  There are surgeries available (Brain surgery--I am SO not there--yet!)  So while I can, I should.

The last two are somewhat the same.  I love people, even though it is so intimidating for me, I love having visitors.  We have had a few casual get togethers here at the farm, but the big stuff gets me stressed out before I even start and then my "zingers" go into full force (Stress is one of my triggers apparently).  A local campground (across the field from us) has a big firework show and we take advantage of it.  I'd like to invite more friends to come enjoy the farm, fireworks and fellowship.

Also, I, along with a few others are somewhat crafty.  We've talked about having a Farm Open House / Craft Show in the fall to encourage friends and family to "Shop REALLY local for Christmas."  Not only will I need to do 'crafty' things and can for the sale, but also have the farm all "pretty" for guests...

Hmmm, OK...While training for a race and running a farm, farm market, homeschool, and writing meaningful blog posts...and while trying to accomplish the goal of 2400 scrapbook pages (1200 layouts-Oh, wait, 1199, I did one yesterday!) in the next 10 months...all the while praying for no TN flare ups.

Delusional much?

No, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.  Phillipians 4:13

But I think the whole text is important for me to remember:
 11 Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: 12 I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. 13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

So if it be the Father's will, not mine, to accomplish one, all, OR ANY of these goals, I.AM.TO.BE.CONTENT.



MOM said...

You are being very positive and I love you for it. You are doing so many things that I could never dooo I am the weaker person, you received your strength from your father. He is a go all the time, know everyone he meats, and works constantly.You are my sweet baby and I wish there was something that could fix your face (it is so beautiful) I Love you heeaps and bounds.

Niki said...

This post took courage and i am so proud of you. Transparency is NOT a weakness.
Love, love and more love